Monday, July 28, 2008

Best Resignation Letter Ever

Dear Mr X,

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel.

After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen.

I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of “cut and paste” for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you………

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude.

In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation.

However, I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad reference. The most you can say to hurt me is “I prefer not to comment.” I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your “favorites list”, which I conveniently saved when you made me “back up” your useless files. I do believe that terms like “Lolita” are not usually viewed favorably by the company.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to “take pictures of your Mother’s birthday,” you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of reference. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the reference on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.

Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day’.



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Monday, July 7, 2008

Drug Smuggler seeks new Employment

Former Marijuana Smuggler

Having sucessfully completed a ten year sentence, incident-free for importing 75 tons of marijuana into the United States I am now seeking a legal and legitimate means to support myself and family.

Business Experience - Owned and operated a successful fishing business multi-vessel, one airplane one island and processing facility. Simultaneously owned and operated a fleet of tractor-trailer trucks conducting business in the western United States. During this time I also co-owned and participated in the executive management of 120 people worldwide in a sucessfully pot smuggling venture with revenues in excess of 100 million US$ annually.  I took responsibility for my own actions and received a ten year sentence in the United states while others walked free for their cooperation

Attributes - I am an expert in all levels of security; I have extensive computer skills am personable, outgoing well educated, reliable, clean and sober. I have spoken in schools to thousands of kids and parent gorups over the past ten years on "the consequences of choice" and recieved public recognition from the RCMP for community service. I am well travelled and speak English, French and Spanish. References available from friends, family, the US District Attorny etc.

The website is down

This video is just too funny! See the credits below. Thanks to the folks to made this one!

Created by: Josh Weinberg
Sales Guy: Casey Cochran
Web Dude: Josh Weinberg
Trevor from Arvada: Jesse Johnson
Irving Whitefellow (The Boss): Josh Childs
Sales Manager Nancy: Ruth Sherrod

Here’s The real kicker ! The orginal video was at
but it doesn’t seem to be working (maybe the website is down !) , hopefully someone will fix it soon.The video on that page is really cool because of the way the video is displayed.