Monday, April 13, 2009

Funny Computer Virus Names

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS - Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

AIRBAG VIRUS - Can only cause harm if you are a petite computer operator who sits too close to the screen. Provides a handy ON-OFF switch in most current release.

AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS - You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

ALZHEIMER’S VIRUS - It makes your computer forget where it put your files.

APPLE VIRUS - VIRUS-8, originally planned as a revolutionary redesign of aging but classic VIRUS software, had to be repackaged and simplified after the original attempt failed to keep up with rapidly shifting design goals. Fortunately, the current production version can infect older Macintoshes as well as the latest models.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS v 1.0 - It terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back!

AT&T VIRUS - Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

BILL GATES VIRUS - This dominant strain searches for desirable features in all other VIRUSes via the internet. It then either engulfs the competing VIRUSes or removes their access to computers until they die out.

Birthday VIRUS - Keeps advancing your clock by another year.

Bureaucrat VIRUS - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

CHILD VIRUS - It constantly does annoying things, but is too cute to get rid of.
Couch Potato VIRUS - Just sits there, eating chips all day.

Joke VIRUS - poses as a harmless list of funny computer VIRUS names. Is quickly passed from one user to all other users via e-mail, consequently consuming all known network resources.

Kevorkian VIRUS - Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to. Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.

Federal Bureaucrat VIRUS - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Federal Reserve VIRUS - Affects performance of CDs.

Firestone VIRUSes - Causes mouse to explode after 10,000 miles. Flying toasters actually fly off your screen saver. Leaves chunks of its code all over the information highway.

Freudian VIRUS - Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying it’s own motherboard. Becomes very jealous of the size of your friend’s hard drive.

French VIRUS - garbles some files and then displays a message asking you for help. If you click OK, it just garbles more files and asks for help again. If you click Cancel, it displays the message, “I surrender!” and shuts down your computer. If you click Ignore, it scans your computer for the German and Russian VIRUSes. If the French, Russian, and German VIRUSes find each other, they merge into a single VIRUS that conflicts with the George W. Bush VIRUS, slowing it down.

LAPD VIRUS - It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in “self-defense.”

Left-Wing-Drivel VIRUS - Deletes all monetary files, but keeps smiling and
sending messages about how the economy is going to get better.

MAFIA VIRUS - You don’t want it, but you’re afraid to get rid of it.

Mario Cuomo VIRUS - It would be a great VIRUS, but it refuses to run.

MIKE TYSON VIRUS - Quits after one byte.

MILITIA VIRUS - Wipes out your operating system claiming it has no right to control your PC.

Mom VIRUS - Places a phone call to your mother every time you click on an adult website.

MORAL MAJORITY VIRUS - This modest VIRUS claimed great influence in the 1980’s, but fell behind in features and upgrades and was finally abandoned
by it’s developers.

MTV’s “The Real World” VIRUS - Replaces your default Windows sounds with excruciating Gen-X whining and bitching.

NATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF WOMEN (NOW) VIRUS - Forces your PC to recognize its female connections as male connections.

NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO VIRUS - This VIRUS design used to be quite influential and innovative when it’s original release was publicly funded. After Government funding cuts yanked it’s teeth, the designers sold out to corporate interests and it no longer affects your data much.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS - Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

NIKE VIRUS - Just does it.

Oprah Winfrey VIRUS - Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

PBS VIRUS - Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for a tax deductible contribution.

Pokemon VIRUS - Sucks up all your money and only renders 3rd rate animation.

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS v 1.0 - Never calls itself a “VIRUS,” but instead refers to itself as an “electronic microorganism.”

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS v 2.0 - Rephrases the “Abort, Retry, Fail” prompt as “Choice, Retry, Success-Impaired”.

Ponzi VIRUS - It logs onto your bank’s computer and transfers $1 into the accounts of the owners of the last 10 computers it was on. It then attaches itself to the next 10 items of mail you send.

POPE JOHN PAUL VIRUS - Deletes all your dirty files and blesses the rest.
Pornography VIRUS - Consumes all available hard drive space, but leaves the computer’s owner with a warm sense of contented well-being.

PRO-CHOICE VIRUS - Although it presents the standard “Abort, Retry, Fail” prompt, it pressures you to choose “Abort”, telling you the process being terminated is just “a blob of bits” which has no value.

Prozac VIRUS - Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn’t care.

Public Transportation VIRUS - Makes your browser stop at every website.

Quantum Leap VIRUS - One day your PC is a laptop, the next day it is a Macintosh, then a Nintendo.

Regis Philbin VIRUS - Will not complete display of algorithm results until CPU confirms that’s its final answer.

REPUBLICAN VIRUS - Sells off your system resources to the highest bidder.
Richard Nixon VIRUS - Also known as the “Tricky Dick VIRUS”, you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback. Popular in China.

RODNEY DANGERFIELD VIRUS - Gets no respect. Only allows data do be displayed as one-liners.

SEARS VIRUS - Your data won’t appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.

SHARON STONE VIRUS - Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it’s there.

Slacker VIRUS - Uses 80% of your computer’s resources, yet does absolutely nothing.

Sprint VIRUS - Periodically runs sound file of a pin dropping.

STAR TREK VIRUS - Invades your system in places where no VIRUS has gone before.

Stephen King VIRUS - It wipes a fifth of your hard drive, then tells you that if enough people send in a dollar, it will destroy the rest in some surprising, exciting way.

Survivor VIRUSes - Deletes your files one by one over 13 weeks until only the most annoying one remains.

Tax Audit VIRUS - It comes in with very little warning, digs through all your files then sells all your worldly possessions on Ebay, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. It doubles the files on your hard drive while it states it is decreasing the number of files, increases the cost of your computer, taxes its CPU to maximum capacity, and then uses Quicken to access your bank accounts and deplete your balances.

TEENAGER VIRUS - Your PC stops every few seconds to ask for money.

TEXAS VIRUS - Makes sure that it’s bigger than any other file.
Tiger Woods VIRUSes - Assumes pre-eminence over other applications, which are left to operate at consistently humiliating performance levels. Beats you in every computer game you play.

TIM ALLEN VIRUS - Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.

Titanic VIRUS - Makes your whole computer go down. You get a sinking feeling when your system crashes.

TOBACCO INDUSTRY VIRUS - It contends that there is no reliable scientific evidence that VIRUSes can harm you computer or that it targets adolescent computer users.

Tonya Harding VIRUSes - Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons. Your
CD-ROM drive randomly ejects in an attempt to bash your knee.
U.N. VIRUS - Annoying but harmless. Every day, it displays a message saying you must let it inspect your computer’s files for VIRUSes, but then it gives you the options “OK, Cancel, Ignore.” Even if you click OK, it doesn’t do anything.

Viagra VIRUS - Expands your hard drive while putting too much pressure
on your zip drive. Turns your 3.5″ floppy into a hard drive.

WOODY ALLEN VIRUS - Bypasses the motherboard and corrupts a daughter card.

X-FILES VIRUS - All your icons start shape-shifting.

1 comment:

  1. Brad:

    Great post! I am sharing it on my Facebook group: IT NETWORKING

    I wanted to give you credit but couldn't find anything but "Brad D." on the name ... you might consider posting your profile, contact info, etc. or something. I'm sharing the link to this blog, as a credit to your work.

    Good job podner!!

    - rAllcorn -
    Richard A. Allcorn