Friday, December 31, 2010

The housekeeper

From: The Daily Joke: An elderly priest invited a young priest over for dinner. During the meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was.<br /><br />Over the course of the evening he started to wonder if there was more between the elderly priest and the housekeeper than met the eye.<br />


Thursday, December 30, 2010

Where should you pee?

From: The Daily Joke: Ur-ine in your car, ur-ine the shower, ur-ine the park - Pee dilemma? No worries, you can now consult this simple flow chart for all your pee needs. <br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="" imageanchor=


Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Funny Farting Fanny Bank

A funny thing happened to me the other day while browsing through a catalog waiting for my meeting to start...


Thursday, December 23, 2010

You don't know Jack Schitt

Who is Jack Schitt? The lineage is finally revealed! Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says: "You don't know Jack Schitt."
Now you can intellectually handle the situation:

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt.
They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The Deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents objection, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were still living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Shitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens Wedding.
The Schitt-Happens children were Daawg, Byrd, Hoarse and Bull.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
So now when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", You can correct them!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Easter Bunny - Craft Project

How to make your very own [Easter] bunny. Requires some skill with sewing and craftiness...


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The orgin of man's sex life

It seems that when the Lord was making the world, he called man over and bestowed upon him twenty years of normal sex life.

Man was horrified. "Only twenty years of normal sex life?" but the Lord was very adamant, that was all man could have.

Then the Lord called the monkey and gave him twenty years. "But I don't need twenty years", he protested, "ten is plenty for me." Man spoke up eagerly, "Can I have the other ten?" The monkey graciously agreed.

Then the Lord called the lion and gave him twenty years, and the lion, like the monkey wanted only ten. Again the man spoke up, "Can I have the other ten?" The lion said of course he could.

Then came the donkey and he was given twenty years-but like the others,ten was sufficient-and again man pleaded, "Can I have the other ten?" The donkey said yes he could.

This explains why man has twenty years of normal sex life, plus ten years of monkeying around, ten years of lion about it, and ten years of making an ass of himself.