Awesome LMFO Parody Featuring Elmo

What do you get when you cross Sesame Street's one and only Elmo with LMFAO

I'm EMLO and I know it by W. Jeff Crawford

This video gets removed periodically due to 'copyright' issues. Even though it's totally falls under 'fair use'. Enjoy.

Audio file can be found here: 

https://archive.org/details/LMFAO-Elmo_Parody

Men, Money & Logic

There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.

The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."

The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.

Value for your money

Bill Clinton was taking a late evening jog when he spotted a very attractive young lady standing on a street corner. Seizing the opportunity he goes up to her and starts a conversation. It doesn't take long for him to find out that she is a prostitute.

"Well," says Bill, "How much do you charge?"

"One hundred and fifty dollars." she answers.

"One hundred and fifty dollars!"  Bill exclaims.

"Yes, one hundred and fifty dollars." she says.

"I can't believe you charge one hundred and fifty dollars."  He says.

"Well, how much do you think it should cost?"  she asks.

"About ten dollars."  Bill flatly states.

"TEN DOLLARS!"  she cries, "Sorry, it's one hundred and fifty dollars."

Bill shakes his head and continues his jog.

A few days later, he is out jogging late in the evening again, but this time Hillary decides to join him.  Bill sees that the same prostitute is standing on the street corner again and decides to steer Hillary away from her, so they jog on the opposite side of the street.  The prostitute however happens to see them running and yells:

"Hey, see what you get for ten dollars!!"

The Canibals Canoe

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals.  The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that  now we've caught you and we're going to kill you.  We will put you  in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to  build a canoe.  The good news is that you can choose how to die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword."  The chief gives him a sword,  the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.

The Englishman says, "a pistol for me please."  The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save  the queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!"  The chief is puzzled, but he  shrugs and gives him a fork.  The New Yorker takes the fork and  starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest,  everywhere.  There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible.  The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, what are you doing?"  And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your canoe you stupid cannibal!

The new PC Terms when talking about a female

         She is not:
         A BAD COOK
         She is:
         MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE

        She does not:
         GET PMS
         She becomes:
         HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL

         She does not have:
         A KILLER BODY
         She is:
         TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE

         She is not:
         A BAD DRIVER
         She is:
         AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED

         She is not a:
         PERFECT 10
         She is:
         NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR

         She is not:
         EASY
         She is:
         HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

         She does not:
         HATE SPORTS ON TV
         She is:
         ATHLETICALLY BIASED

         You do not ask her:
         TO DANCE
         You request a:
         PRE-COITAL RHYTHMIC EXPERIENCE

         She is not:
         HOOKED ON SOAP OPERAS
         She is:
         MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED

         She is not:
         COLD OR FRIGID
         She is:
         THERMALLY INCOMPATIBLE

         She does not:
         WEAR TOO MUCH MAKE-UP
         She is:
         COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED

         She does not have:
         GREAT CLEAVAGE
         Her breasts are:
         CENTRALLY LOCATED

         She is not:
         A SCREAMER OR MOANER
         She is:
         VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE

         She does not:
         SUN BATHE
         She experiences:
         SOLAR ENHANCEMENT

         She does not:
         CUT YOU OFF
         She becomes:
         HORIZONTALLY INACCESSIBLE

         She does not have:
         BIG HAIR
         She is:
         OVERLY AEROSOLED

         She does not:
         SHOP TOO MUCH
         She is:
         OVERLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO MARKETING PLOYS

NAN

A man goes into a bar and noticing a very attractive woman, sits beside her. Looking her over, he notices her brief case with the letters NAN and says, "NAN can I buy you a drink?".

The girl looks up and says, "Yes you can , but my name is not NAN."

To which the man replies, ì what does Nan stand for. The lady explains that NAN is the National Association of Nyphomanics and that they are having a local convention.

To which the man asks, What do they discuss at these conventions.

The Lady replies that they discuss the attributes of men......for example we know that Native American Men are well endowed, that Jewish men know exactly what to say to a woman and that men from the countryside have staying power.  They can go on for hours on end.

Then she says,"Enough about me and NAN..what is your name?"

The man replies...My name is TONTO GOLDBERG, but my friends call me BUBBA

No Returns Please

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit.  He notices a police car with its red lights on in  his rear view mirror.  He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors  it and the race is on.

The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour (160 km/hr) Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, \ the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up.

He pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car.  He  leans down and says "listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I  just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."

The man thought for a moment and said..."Three weeks ago, my wife ran  off with a police officer.  When I saw your cruiser in my rear view  mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!"

The officer let him go.