Monday, April 12, 2010

911 Humor

911 is a very important service, and needs to be treated with respect. If you're thinking of making a prank phone call STOP, people are in serious trouble, and they can't waste your time dealing with your silly jokes.

However, I think some people don't fully understand what 911 is for, and sometimes make honest mistakes. Here's some funny 911 Humor to brighten your day. Enjoy !

Here's some more 911 Transcripts:

Dispatcher: 9-1-1, what is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1, what is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn, I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn!
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No.
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.


Dispatcher: 9-1-1, fire or emergency?
Caller: Fire, I guess.
Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?
Caller: I was wondering: does the Fire Deptartment put snow chains on their trucks?
Dispatcher: Yes sir. Do you have an emergency?
Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and... well... do you think the Fire Deptartment could come over and help me?
Dispatcher: Help you what?
Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1, what is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine-eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine-eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one?
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am; nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Thursday, April 1, 2010


Do you want to play a Light Hearted, Nasty or Gross "PRANK" on a friend or foe that you need to "EVEN THE SCORE" with?

If  the answer is YES, read on...

Below are some sample listing of great practical jokes

DISCLAIMER:  I cannot take responsibility for any actions taken as described in this text.  Some of these schemes may be illegal to perform and most of  yhem will make your victim suffer in some way or another.  I advise you to look at this text as a source for reading enjoyment only. If you do consider an action, also consider it's consequence, both for the victim and
for yourself.

O.K., let's have some fun... !!!

X-RAYS AT AIRPORTS:  Purchase a large adult bedroom toy. Wrap it in  a large amount of tin foil.  Secretly hide it in a piece of the victims carry on luggage.  As it goes through the airport x-ray machine the contents of the device will be shielded by the tin foil and will be unwrapped-inspected by
airport security officials. This one will make your sides hurt from laughter, if present during the inspection. I like this prank for both male and female victims.

GARAGE SALE:  Place an ad in the classified section of your local newspaper advertising a GIGANTIC Garage Sale listing the address of your victim.  Advertise televisions, cam-corder, vintage automobile,antiques, etc. Sale begins at 6:00 a.m. Come early!

LOST KEYS:  Get a hold of some old useless keys (car, house,etc.). Place victim's name, phone number and $500.00 reward... if found and returned.  Drop the keys in one of the less desirable areas of town.

DOGS:  Purchase a silent dog whistle.  In the early hours of the morning (2am-4am) go near the victim's house and blow the silent whistle and the dog will begin to bark uncontrollably until the owner awakes and disciplines the
animal.  When the owner goes back to bed repeat the process again.

ANIMAL POO-POO - With plastic gloves on find some animal poo-poo and place it under the door handles of the victim's automobile. The end result is a sticky situation.

NOISEY APARTMENT NEIGHBORS - Place a clock radio or portable stereo in a large cardboard box.  Place open end of box next to the wall adjoining the victim's apartment.  Tune the radio to whatever obnoxious station you choose.  Turn-on when you are away and turn-off when you return home.

BOWEL CONTROL PROBLEMS - Place a Baby Ruth candy bar next to victim while they are in bed asleep.  Body heat will melt the chocolate to the point that when the victim awakes they will think they had an embarrassing accident.  This is a great, brother-sister or college dorm prank.

FAX MACHNES - Write whatever you wish on  9 pages of 8 1/2 by 11 inch paper and tape them together (end to end).  Dial the victim's fax number and start sending the pages through.  After page two has been transmitted, tape the top of page 1 to the bottom of page 9 making a continuous loop.
The document will continue to cycle until the victim's fax machine has run out of  paper.  Be sure and disable your phone number from being printed on the fax and also disable caller I.D. This prank is great to get even with a business or individual who has somehow cheated you.

Hey, wasn't that FUN???